Politics Just Wasn't For me

You need to come out of your shell.

If I were to get a Kobo for every time someone has said that to me, I’d be a millionaire (in dollars!)

Yeah, that's an exaggeration, but you get it.

Before I entered university, I had a small idea of the kind of person I thought I could become here.

Not something I had fully planned. But it was there somewhere in my mind. Maybe uni will bring me out of my supposed shell. Just maybe.

I liked helping people. I liked being useful. I liked solving small problems when I could. So when the thought of school politics came up, it did not sound completely out of reach.

There’s a reason for that.

When I resumed upon admission, I stayed for a while with a friend. He was in 300 level at the time, so he understood everything better. He knew the environment, the people, the systems, and the small things that freshers usually had to figure out the hard way. He was also involved in school politics.

Naturally, we had conversations about school, people, leadership, and how things worked. Somewhere in those conversations, I started thinking: maybe politics would make sense for me too. After all, it looked like I liked serving people.

He gave me tips here and there. Nothing too serious. Just small advice about how to move, how to talk to people, how to be present, and how to become known. I listened. I tried to pay attention. I wanted to see how far I could go with it.

Then registration started.

Those early weeks were full of movement. We (freshers, lol) were trying to figure out where to go, what to submit, what to print, who to meet, and which instructions had changed overnight. Everybody needed information. Everybody was confused in one way or another.

Somehow, I found myself getting information early and passing it around. I would ask questions, confirm things, share updates, meet classmates, and introduce myself. I got into the faces of many people very quickly. I was moving around, talking, explaining, connecting, and trying to show up.

At first, it felt like I was doing what I said I wanted to do. “Getting out of my shell”. 

But after a while (read 2 weeks), I became tired in a way that told me something was wrong.

It was the kind of tiredness that came from doing something that looked like me from the outside but did not feel like me on the inside.

Heck, I was exhausted.

I liked helping people, yes. But I did not like the constant visibility. I liked sharing information, yes. But I did not like the feeling that I had to always be present, always be talking, always be available, always be positioning myself. I liked people, but I also liked space (even more, sorry). I liked service, but I did not like performance.

I was performing. And that was when the first crack appeared in the idea.

The more I saw how school politics worked, the more I understood that it was not just as I thought. It required energy I was not sure I had. It required constant social movement and regular presence in people’s minds and faces.

And when I realized all that this would entail, something in me stepped back.

I did not have that strength.

Not because I was weak. Okay, maybe I was. But I could already see the cost. I knew myself enough to know that if I entered that kind of race, I would give it attention. I would worry about it. I would calculate.

And I knew it would distract me.

Politics, from what I was beginning to see, would demand a part of me I was not ready to give.

So within the first few weeks, I admitted the truth to myself.

Politics was just not for me.

Before I knew better, I thought liking service meant I should consider politics. I thought wanting to help people meant I would naturally enjoy any path that allowed me to do that. I thought that because I could talk when necessary, meet people when necessary, then maybe I could also live in that kind of public-facing space.

The joke writes itself.

I learned quickly that ability and temperament are not the same thing. Or as the wise ones put it:

You can be able to do something and still not be built to keep doing it. You can enjoy helping people and still not enjoy being at the center of attention. You can care about people and still not want leadership to become your identity. You can serve without contesting, be useful without campaigning, and contribute without making yourself a public project.

Looking back, I think that was one of the first lessons university taught me. Not every good thing is your thing.